**For immediate release**
NerdUsefully, Winona MN USA: It has come to our attention that our product The Shuttle, despite extended testing prior to release, cannot withstand extended exposure to untrained foster dogs. We are sharing this information as a service to current and potential owners of the device.
Under prolonged exposure to canine jaw pressure, the wooden material that comprises the majority of the handcrafted Apple Remote holder can suffer structural damage. This issue has only been seen in one instance to date, helpfully demonstrated to us by Shuttle user “Brooklyn,” a recent intake to the MN Pit Stop rescue.
The overall integrity of the remote holder remained intact, but the cosmetic condition was compromised. The remote was not harmed in any way, thanks to the protective shell that The Shuttle provides. The user was entirely unscathed, and was able to resume normal activity — sleeping on the couch, sleeping on dog beds, and enthusiastic interactions with other residents — immediately following the incident.
While NerdUsefully does not plan to recall the product, we will be providing “bumpers” to current customers to mitigate any issues. Please note that these will not actually fit on The Shuttle, as they are left over from AntennaGate and designed for the iPhone 4. Also, we will not actually be providing bumpers.
However, we would like to extend an offer to potential customers who foster dogs, and also to those who think that fostering dogs is (or might be) a noble cause and are willing to pretend that they do so in order to get a discount. Use the coupon SUREIFOSTERDOGS at NerdUsefully for a $20 discount, and thank you for your real or pretend service to these animals.
Our special thanks to Brooklyn for bringing this issue to light, and we congratulate her on her valiant recovery from the skin conditions and obesity that she was suffering from when she first entered foster care.
While highly discouraged, The Shuttle has withstood use as a pacifier by young humanoids with excellent results, but — while not included in our field testing thus far — the unit may be susceptible to damage by domesticated birds. We have found that very few substances can withstand onslaught by the tomia of avian mandibular attack without damage, ranging from costmetic to complete molecular destruction. In the interest of avoiding conflict in our work environment, the company takes no official stance on birds as pets.
For more information about NerdUsefully’s flagship product, The Shuttle, please see the release announcement and The Shuttle on Etsy. Please remember to enter the coupon SUREIFOSTERDOGS at checkout. These units withstand day-to-day wear and tear excellently, but be aware that the devices are chewable if enough pressure is applied.