Collection: Ringtones for being unpopular in grocery store checkout lines.

You know how annoyed you get when the person in front of you in the checkout line has decided to use their favorite bubblegum pop or — better yet — a generic but slightly danceable techno riff as their ringtone? The best defense is a good offense. Now you can be that person.

This is a set of six iOS ringtones I made because I was bored. I actually use the Cleartones ringtones, but the fact that I can assign different ringtones to different callers means I have a little flexibility in the obnoxiousness as the situation calls for it.

You may recognize these as they’re all snippets from some of the best songs ever. No, that’s not subjective. They are the among the greatest songs in the history of human sound creation.

Surf’n Puke

For calls from your crazy friend who only calls when he’s looking for a drinking buddy and wants you to go ahead and post bail in advance.

Tastes Like Burning

For the psycho ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. It puts you in the mood for stimulating conversation and prepares you for your eventual return to therapy.

Unlicensed To Ill

A slightly longer clip which literally explodes about halfway through. It will either make you want to answer your phone quickly to avoid embarrassment, or (if you’re like me), will make you miss phone calls because you just have to hear the good part.

We Came To Wreck Everything

Think about Green Street Hooligans and decide who in your contact list is most like Elijah Wood. Then think about his character in Sin City as you fall asleep tonight. Sweet dreams.

Swamp Stomp and Me So Thorny

These actually make reasonable ringtones, in my opinion. Possibly even of aphrodisiac quality. I should call them the “Is that a phone in your pocket, or…” ringtones instead.

So there. The whole set is available here for free until I get sued. Then I’ll charge all the people who downloaded it exorbitant amounts so I can pay my lawyer.